FPOTUS-You Won’t Get My Vote

The term POTUS is an acronym for president of the United States.  This is the story of someone who I like to refer to as, FPOTUS, the F standing for “future.”

A few semesters ago, I had this professor that had a teaching style reminiscent of teaching third graders.  We each had to do a presentation entitled, “Something About Me,” and it required us to share personal information about ourselves to the class.  It was during FPOTUS’ presentation that I learned of his political career goals.  As a fan of political science, naturally, I was intrigued when he shared that he works for a United States Senator.  FPOTUS is a fine gentleman with impeccable style and an air of sophistication.  Upon a quick analysis of him during his speech, I decided to get to know him better; you know, as a political strategy.  Up until very recently when my phone got stolen, I was very interested in a potential career in politics.  However, after my phone got stolen with all of that “exposure” if you will, inside of my device, I knew then that was no possible future for me in politics. The story of FPOTUS begins in Pre-I Lost My Phone and Career in Politics, thus my political aspirations were still alive.  I went into this undertaking with my own motives; but as the story continued, I ended up getting more, or less than I bargained for…depending on how you look at it, half empty, half full.

After the day of his presentation I set my sights on him.  I started to say “hello” every day and blatantly stare him up and down.  One day, I just started to sit next to him every lecture until a few weeks went by and I finally made my move.  I got dressed in my most politically correct ensemble, and I sat next to him that class as usual.  When the lecture was over that day I said, “Hey, I remember that you said that you are a Political Science major, right?”  He said he was and I followed up with an, “Oh cool! I’m actually interested in political science myself, and I would love to pick you brain about it over coffee sometime if possible.”  He followed by asking me for my number and telling me we would set something up.  He called me the next day.  During our conversation I told him how much I love to blow trees.  He laughed and told me I had to promise not to tell anyone, but he used to be a “pot head” (his words, I never use the term).  We laughed, had some small talk and ended the conversation.  I skipped class the next day.  I texted him about 10 minutes before class commenced and asked him if he could get any handouts or missed work for me.  He said that he would if I smoked with him.  I texted directions and asked what time I could be expecting him.

When FPOTUS came over that night, we smoked a lot, and talked about ourselves a lot, it was super fun.  We stayed up all night talking until he left for work that morning.  In class later that afternoon, our professor asked me for my homework and I said I was not there the class before.  She told me she was aware of that and asked FPOTUS why he made a big deal about getting my homework if he didn’t give it to me in the first place.  I was completely mortified FOR him and he just mumbled something about how he forgot it.  He waited for me after class and we laughed about how he was over my house the whole night and the purpose was to give me the assignments that I never got!  It was that moment when I knew, he wanted me. And, I definitely wanted to get to know him!  We started hanging out on a regular basis and spending nights together.  Eventually it turned sexual; I was pleasantly surprised considering various things about his genetics which I cannot say because he is popular.  In the midst of all the hanging out that we did, some of it was professional in the sense that we were going to and also sometimes working at government events together.  He is the President of a Student Government group on campus, and he made me a member of the group with the position of Treasurer.  I am not ashamed to say that I am a member of the Independent Party.   However, the student government group was not specific to that party, so don’t try to figure it out based upon that fact.  I was putting in a lot of time doing volunteer work for campaigns and also working with various nonprofits.  At the time, I was super stoked over the thought of having budding government affiliations; it was an exciting time in my life.

There was this really big government dinner that FPOTUS invited me to as his date.  I was not working the dinner with him, he was not working it either, and it was strictly a political dinner party.   I felt so important by being his date; I was wearing an Armani gown and Louboutin heels.  My jewelry was Swarovski.  I was sitting next to a Senator at the dinner party, and it felt wonderful, although I didn’t exactly agree on some of his policies.  I think that this is a well-known fact, but government officials KNOW how to party!  The event was so much fun, and I’m pretty sure at LEAST 90% of the guests were completely wasted.  That night, FPOTUS and I stayed at a swanky hotel on the strip.  That starry night, our bodies intertwined until the sky was rainbowed with gradations of purple, blue, pink and orange.  We shared skin and ideas of what it would be like to have political careers together.  We laughed and talked about how we would change the world, and about how much world peace meant to us.  We were sipping Clicquot Champagne out of the bottle and toasting to things like, “us,” “life,” “amazing connections,”  “politics,” etc. After a beautiful night like that, of course I agreed without question to go and show my support for him when FPOTUS asked me to watch him at a panel for a fraternity that he wanted to rush.  While I was listening to the panel, FPOTUS begins to speak his point which included how hard it is to be a parent and a full-time student.  I was shocked because up until this point, I had not heard of his 3 year old son before.  Normally, this would be a deal breaker for me because I am not a mother, so I would prefer to be with someone who is not yet a father; however in this case, it did not make me cut it off with him.

FPOTUS and I continued to hang out just as much.  There was never any talk of his son.  At this time, the Presidential Election was happening in the very near future.  FPOTUS was very busy and so was I; our conflicting schedules started to take away from our quality time together.  However, we did manage to spend quite a few late nights together.  FPOTUS invited me to another outside event where his boss was speaking/campaigning.  At the event, I remember a young lady entering late.  She was wearing a skintight grey mini-dress, fishnet pantyhose, and black knee-high boots.  She walked past the entire front row to sit next to FPOTUS.  After she sat down next to him, I noticed the necklace ring of dark, I mean DARK hickies around her entire neck.  She was also wearing her hair up in a high bun so that her hicky necklace was visible to everyone.  After seeing her neck, I saw that she and FPOTUS were holding hands!! So, I was at a complete loss regarding understanding why he even invited me to this shit.  Afterwards, I caught up with the two of them.  They were eating together at a table for two, so I walked over there to see what would happen.  I said hello to FPOTUS and introduced myself to his girl.  FPOTUS was tomato red and looking terrified.   Right after I introduced myself, he introduce the woman to me, his GIRLFRIEND.  I said, “Oh, how very nice to meet you (insert wrong name here)!  FPOTUS is such a great guy; you guys are so cute together! How long have ya’ll been dating?”  FPOTUS has his head down at this point; he won’t even look at me.  His girlfriend replied, she told me that they have been together for about 4 years.  At this point, I knew there was no competition, I do not compete with parents; and that it was time for me to cut my losses with FPOTUS.

He ended up calling me a few weeks later about a homework assignment.   About a week after that, he told me that he and his girlfriend had broken up and he wanted to come over and talk.  I allowed him to come to my place as yet another strategy.  This time, I was using FPOTUS as a revenge factor concerning Mr. Principles.  As far as FPOTUS goes, he may be the future POTUS, but I ASSURE you, he wont EVER get MY vote!!! The rest of this story is for another post another day, but as your cliffhanger: what I did to Mr. Principles is shameful, ratchet, disgusting, and utterly demeaning.  I used FPOTUS to do it and to this day, neither of them knows about it.