“They say I’m wrong and I’m heartless, but all along I was lookin for a father he was gone.” -2 PAC

My history of failed relationships can be summed up by this 2Pac verse in “Dear Momma.” I have been accused of being heartless, soulless even, but in the end I know that I am truly misunderstood by so many people. I’m okay with it now, every struggle and every accomplishment has molded me into the woman I am today. Even I can’t handle my own bs at times, so it’s no wonder that people mistake my intentions sometimes. Don’t get it twisted though…I am a lover, unless you’re a sidepiece…then I really can be heartless lol

 

 

Don’t have me in jail, I have finals!

I have NO idea why, but TI is the Trouble Man, and I am the Trouble Woman because I stay in some shit!! This quote comes from a consultation with my lawyer about a then upcoming court date right before exams. Sometimes not only is my freedom hanging in the balance, but my status as a scholar is often jeopardized by my troublesome lifestyle. But hey; these shoes were made for walking, and oh how I do prefer the wild side…

If I have to analyze everything that you do then I don’t need to be fucking with you. 

I recently had this aforementioned thought, and it is now a personal mantra. I’m very tired of maintaining relationships, friendships, acquaintances, etc. that leave me wondering about their actions and/or intentions. Thus I arrive here…and you know what, I’ve cut some people based upon this principle, and it feels great!

Up Jumps the Boogie

One night, I had plans with Dina; I was supposed to be staying the night at her house, and we were going out that night.  To pregame, we killed a 750 mL bottle of ABSO-FUCKIN-LUTELY, but our plans changed … I was newly attached to Cali, so we decided that the four of us (Dina, Cali, Cali’s friend and I) would go out to a club downtown.  Dina and I were getting smashed, and we continued to drink at the club.  Everything was all to the good until Cali had too many drinks (in his defense which I rarely take up for, we all did).  What seemed like suddenly, Cali got LIVID at me because his homeboy said something about me that was out of pocket.  In idea, the act seems sweet and protective; in reality though, I fucking knew Cali was about to flip his shit … on me.  In true “bros before hoes” fashion, of course I was somehow at fault (I think at one point it was my fault because of my outfit; you know, the run-of-the-mill slut-shaming that has become a normalcy of my life).  In the car ride back, Cali was completely lashing out at me, while his homeboy was on his way elsewhere, able to escape from the next (awful) proceedings.  Cali lectured me about everything, including but not limited to saying shit about how the way I dress brings negative attention, how I need to carry myself better, how I am a flirt … etc. etc. etc. … blah, blah, blah; no one cares, including me … on one of his many misogynistic tirades.  Once we got to Dina’s (let me again state that I was supposed to be staying the night), Cali took his anger up a notch.  Utterly mortified, I just wanted to end the damn night and leave with him so that he would just STOP causing such a major scene at Dina’s.  BIG MISTAKE.  After saying a thousand “I’m so sorr[ies]” and getting my shit together, I departed with Cali and left my car at Dina’s.  The car ride was THE WORST because he was RAGING on me and being a COMPLETE sociopathic fucktard.  Everything was my fault as he proceeded to remind me in-between spewing every and any other insult imaginable to my face.  Fuming with rage, I demanded that he stop the car and let me out.  He refused and continued to tell me basically that I ain’t shit.  Drunk, sad, and angry (and crazy), I screamed “Let me out of this fucking car right now, or I swear to God I will jump the fuck out!!!!!!!”  Immediately upon shouting such obscenities, my heart sank.  He refused, as I knew he would, and instantly I knew what I had to do …

SN: As immoral as I can be, I almost never swear, especially to the Highest.

Welp, with all reasoning out of the rolled down car window, I stayed true to my words: I took off my shoes (a brand new pair I could not risk fucking up), I took my keys from my purse, and I left my purse and phone on the passenger seat (fool); I opened the door, looked at Cali, and SWOOSH…a bitch hopped out that mutha fuka, what’s up … FUCKING IDIOT.  The rest of the night is a bit foggy, but I was in a club dress, no panties, no shoes, no phone; just me and my keys, tears, regrets, and thoughts (or lack thereof), free to remind myself that the current situation is my very own doing (round of applause).  Distressed but no damsel, I was staggering through the hood around 4 AM on a Sunday morning.  I realized the danger, so I decided to find a safe haven to keep from being a target.  With my master plan set, I found a place to rest and collect myself–on the lawn of a condemned house … on which I passed out and fell asleep (wow).  What seemed like 5 minutes later, I awoke with the sun (the fucking SUN) in my face because it was now almost NOON, and to a man pleading with me to come-to as he stated, “Please, oh God, please wake up! You’re like my daughters age” to which I replied, “I’m thirsty.”  He bought me a water, and he gave me a ride to my house where my bike was.  In blazing June heat, I rode my bike, my bicycle, (completely hungover) for roughly 15 miles to get my car from Dina’s.  I fell off my bike twice, and I sprained my ankle on one of those falls.  Later I found out that Cali went all up and through my phone, calling people ranging from my mom and other family members (some  not even in this damn state) to my boss (although this incident did not and would not prevent me from working so there was absolutely NO need to place that call).  Ugh, not my finest moment, and definitely a once in a lifetime mistake. Whew, I am lucky to have made it out of that one!

He fucking jumped to conclusions, so I jumped out the fucking car

I was reliving that tragic moment of self preservation when I jumped out of a moving vehicle during a conversation with Bianca. In conclusion, I stated the above quote. Find out more in the post entitled, “Up Jumps the Boogie,” and note that conclusions are uninformed opinions that may cause major issues for the accused.

Silence Is the Best Policy 

I am the daughter of two heroes. Unfortunately, yet fortunately, I am the product of a parent who died for our country, and another who served and survived. Memorial Day and Veterans Day speak directly to me as a result. Of course I’m not here to rain on the holiday parade; however, I cannot express how ANGRY I get when there is a moment of silence for our fallen, and I witness utter disrespect from others who find the task to be too much to ask. I just want to take the time to remind my fans of what this day off work is worth: it’s priceless because there can never be a price on what is lost when a soldier has fallen-and it is important to remember that the loss also directly and forever impacts their loved ones’ lives as they know it. To all the fallen, especially Benjamin Patterson Jr. : I  know I will ALWAYS be grateful; so a million times and infinity more, THANK YOU.

#homeofthefreebecauseofthebraveContinue reading “Silence Is the Best Policy “

When I’m not around, don’t worry about it. I will hit you the fuck up!

This quote serves as a reminder for my side piece(s). My most recent ex-fiancé had a problem giving me space. As you will later find out in a future post, I grew increasingly tired of all of his questioning directed my way. Every day, I was in his version of an Inquisition; at night he was the last person I spoke to and hours later, he was the first person I spoke to in the morning. Then throughout the day, he always asked how I’m doing, what I’m doing, how is my day going, and what will I be doing later…ummm why the FUCK are you asking all these damn questions, huh? It was exhausting!!! Thus we arrive here, “When I’m not around, don’t worry about it. I will hit you the fuck up,” jeeze!

Double Tap That

We have been close since high school, and we have never done anything sexual (I know two women who have direct experience who agree, and rumor has it that he is MAJORLY packing; he is rather large ladies FYI).  Such a rarity is the platonic relationship between him and me.  How is it possible to maintain such an incredible bond between the sexes without that sexual tension or even dare I say jealously?  I am happy to report that it is very possible because that is the story of the friendship that I share with G, a camaraderie that has evolved quite nicely and respectably.  He knows everyone in my tight-knit circle, and we sustained a weekly schedule when I used to visit him roughly 2 hours away for dinner or just Sunday afternoon hang time in his college days. We have had countless sleepovers, and we chat on the phone frequently.   We fill each other in with explicit details of our love lives, and we discuss our life goals and dreams on those occasions when we’re checking up on one another.  Recently, we began really considering our futures.  Thus, together we concocted the perfect plan for ourselves because it is so obvi that we will be friends for life: we are getting married to each other by the time I am 35 (He is a tad older than me) if we are both still single.  Incidentally, my track record looks like he will be my husband (though we have a significant amount of time before that happens).  We have both come up with terms that suit us if this actually does happen because we are mainly concerned about financial benefits.  The marriage will not be consummated (unless after a night of too much partying and not enough reasoning), and we most def are allowed to see other people.  Not many of my friends know about our proposed promise, but the two who do think the idea is absolutely crazy. I think it is worth noting that we actually have much love for one another, and we really love each other dearly.  I mean honestly, the transition to spouse would be pretty easy considering I already nag him about spending time with me the way I hear wives do to their hubbys.  Also, I am confident that he will be down with my nuptial idea of a black and leopard midnight masquerade wedding that starts around 10, is official at midnight, and where we eat breakfast food for the early-morning feast ( <—yall better not be trying to steal my ideas either!!!) for my wedding if we do so happen to exchange those vows! So here’s to you G, one of the great loves of my life, and perhaps my future husband; “I do.” 

I’m a Pisces; I can have this conversation all night.

Recently, I have been in talks with my weedman about linking up outside of our business relationship.  Firstly, let me explain my sentiments on the subject: I pay a certain amount for a certain product.  Once we go outside business on a date, that all changes. The instant that we mix pleasure with business, I’m not paying for shit! Well, I might slide $10 every now and again.  With that said, I was telling Robanga about the potential changes in my business relationship.  As I explained to her, he and I were texting when I asked him what he wanted to do.  Let’s be clear: I will NOT meet with anyone before I know what we are doing, so this is why I inquired.  His response was, “Don’t matter, what you wanna do?” As I was depicting the text conversation in live stream to Robynga, and I told her what his response was to which I added, “I’m a Pisces; I can have this conversation all night [with my indecisive ass].” Obvi, he doesn’t know who he’s fucking with,  because unless he puts his foot down, we’re going to be going back-and-fourth on this matter all night, and we won’t be going anywhere…we didn’t go anywhere that night.

The question is, “Am I single, or am I single and fabulous?”

One fairly recent drunkin night while watching Sex and the City, I started to ponder my own love life. Technically, I’m amidst 2 engagements, I have FBs, and the love of my life has an unattainable heart. There begs the question (of which the answer is no doubt the latter), “Am I single, or am I single and fabulous?”

SN: I’m not engaged anymore 💁🏾